


This Is How It Ends

by mdr_24601



Series: you're not alone at the table anymore [5]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Gen, No Incest, Number Six | Ben Hargreeves Deserves Better, POV Number Six | Ben Hargreeves, Pre-Canon, Reginald Hargreeves' A+ Parenting, Young Hargreeves Family, no beta we die like ben
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-18 18:35:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29613693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mdr_24601/pseuds/mdr_24601
Summary: Ben Hargreeves, the Horror, and the people in his life who made it worth it until his dying breath.
Relationships: Ben Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & Vanya Hargreeves & Number Six | Ben Hargreeves, Number Six | Ben Hargreeves & The Hargreeves | Umbrella Academy
Series: you're not alone at the table anymore [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1958572
Kudos: 19





	This Is How It Ends

Number Six knew he was going to die. 

Well, everyone was going to die at some point. He knew that, too, even though he was only eight years old. But Six knew he was going to die in a way that nobody else, not even his extraordinary siblings, would. 

He, like most of his siblings, had become somewhat desensitized to the idea of dying. The idea that at some point, everyone’s heart would cease to beat, and their mind and body would shut down forever. Dad never bothered to sugarcoat anything, not even violence and death, so Six knew that, when they went on their future missions, there would be a possibility that some of them might die. 

Six didn’t suspect that he would like missions very much, because he didn’t like training for them. Although the idea of dying didn’t scare him too profusely, killing did. He couldn’t stand it. The monsters in his stomach squirmed at the mere thought, and Six draped a protective arm across his midsection in an attempt to soothe them. 

Sometimes, it felt like the monsters could do anything. They could curl around his spine, or snap his ribs in half, or break through the skin of his stomach and rip everything apart, leaving the floor a messy labyrinth of entrails and blood. 

Six shuddered. He didn’t like to think about blood. He liked to think it was the monster’s fault, that it had somehow implanted the gruesome thoughts into his brain. But he couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe that was just the kind of person he was; the kind that thought about blood and entrails and death all the time. 

He slunk down in his chair, willing their math lesson to be over. His stomach hurt, and he wanted to curl up in bed long enough to forget everything. Unfortunately for him, after lessons came afternoon training, which Six never looked forward to.

“Oh, good.” From beside him, Five’s voice shook him from his thoughts. “You’re not paying attention, either. This is too easy, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Six responded softly, not wanting to say that he wasn’t paying attention because his stomach hurt. “Really easy.”

Actually, it wasn’t. He had never been particularly good at math, not like Five. Not even like Seven, who was the only one who could keep up with Five’s long math rants most of the time. Five didn’t seem to care, though. “I tried telling Dad that I needed to learn more advanced material,” Five continued, “but he wouldn’t listen. He said we should all learn as a team. As if I’d want to learn with One and Two.”

Six laughed a little, eyes following Five’s gaze to the front of the room, where One and Two sat at their shared desk. Dad insisted they sit in numerical order, which put One and Two, Three and Four, and Five and Six at shared desks. Seven sat alone in the back, and sometimes Five would nudge Six’s foot under the table, and they’d both turn around and wave to their sister. 

Their math lesson concluded eventually, and they all filed upstairs to change into their training clothes and meet in the foyer, where Dad would be waiting. The monsters in his stomach rippled under his skin, and Six frowned, hoping they wouldn’t be too disruptive. Two had told him earlier that they were running the obstacle course today, and Six hated the obstacles course. For one, he wasn’t very fast, which was bad enough on its own. But the running and intense movement made the monsters scared, and they shifted uncomfortably in his abdomen for hours afterward. It usually made him nauseous enough to skip dinner, which paved the way for an overall uncomfortable night. 

When he arrived in the foyer, Dad hadn’t gotten there yet. As a general rule, they were supposed to arrive at their required destinations on time. According to Dad, _on time_ really meant early, which means he and his siblings had roughly five whole minutes to talk or rest or do whatever they pleased while they waited for training to begin. 

“Hey,” Four said, walking up to his side. He frowned. “You look sick.”

“That’s not nice, Four,” Three interrupted, rolling her eyes. “You shouldn’t just say that to someone.”

“It’s true,” Four protested defensively. “I’m not trying to be mean.”

“It’s okay,” Six replied, sending Four a little smile. He liked Four, because Four knew what it was like to have bad powers. None of the others quite got that. “I don’t feel good.”

“Maybe you should see if Dad will let you skip training,” his brother suggested, shrugging. 

Six shook his head. His father’s voice echoed in his head from their last training session, when the pain in his stomach made it nearly impossible to run. Moving at all had felt like such a challenge that day, and Dad hadn’t been happy. _Are you going to let a small stomach ache slow you down, Number Six? Do you want to be the team’s weak link?_

Six didn’t want to be the weak link. “It’s okay,” he said in response to Four’s suggestion. “I can do it.”

Four shrugged again, as if to say _suit yourself_. Moments later, Dad walked through the doorway, and the six children quickly shuffled into line, so he was next to Five. His other side, where Seven stood during non-superhero related activities, was empty. 

When they started their warm up, a mile long run, Six was beginning to regret not asking Dad to skip. Even if it would have been humiliating, at least he would have avoided the pain. The monsters stirred in his stomach, bouncing uncomfortably. They rippled under his skin, restless, and Six winced, his steps slowing. 

“Number Six!” Dad barked at him, and he hurried to catch up with the others. He had fallen behind. 

Despite Four’s supposed nonchalance, he slowed his steps until he ran side by side with Six, lagging well behind the others. “What are you doing?” Six whispered. “You can run faster than that.”

Four grinned. “I’m keeping you company.”

* * *

Six was startled one evening, just weeks after their tenth birthday, by a knock at his door. He frowned, slightly wary, because he rarely got knocks at his door, especially at this time, when everyone was required to be in their rooms for independent study. Still, he opened the door slowly, and it creaked in the dark hallway. “Hello?”

“Oh,” a voice said. Seven. “Sorry, I can come back later…”

“It’s okay,” Six replied, opening his door further, warm light from his bedroom spilling into the hallway. “You can come in.”

“Five said you needed help with math,” she murmured, shifting uncomfortably on her feet. “He’s coming up, too, by the way. He went to get a snack.”

“Okay,” he replied, watching as Seven sat down in his armchair. “Thanks for helping me. I don’t know what I would’ve done if I failed another test.”

The corners of her mouth twitched a little, almost like a smile. Before they could converse any further, they were interrupted by a flash of blue light. Having grown used to Five’s constant spatial jumps, neither of them were fazed in the slightest. Five carried a plate of peanut butter and marshmallow sandwiches, which he sat on the desk with a thud. 

“Let’s get started,” he announced, with that familiar air of arrogant solemnity. He held the plate out to Six and Seven, and although his sister reached for one, Six’s stomach churned. 

“I’m not hungry,” he said in response. 

Five’s eyes narrowed. “You didn’t eat dinner.”

Six shrugged, not meeting Five’s gaze. He didn’t talk about his monsters very often if he could help it, but his siblings certainly knew why he didn’t feel up to eating sometimes. They must have known. “I just...don’t feel well.” He never felt well, really, he just didn’t like to talk about it. 

Seven and Five exchanged glances, like they had just had an entire conversation without him understanding one word. “We can just focus on math,” Seven said after a moment, giving him a rare smile. “What did you say you were having trouble with, again?”

They didn’t have much time until curfew, and none of them wanted to get in trouble for being out of their rooms so late, so the tutoring didn’t last long. Still, Six found that he had a considerably higher understanding of what they were learning by the time Five and Seven left the room. 

His math tutoring with Five and Seven became a regular thing, until they eventually met up frequently for other reasons, just because they enjoyed each other’s company. Six was glad to have two people he could count on. He was also glad that they stood on either side of him whenever they had to line up for any reason. With Five on his right and Seven on his left, facing Dad’s scrutinizing gaze didn’t feel quite so scary. 

The three of them became something of a group. Five-Six-Seven. They talked about books and music and school. Five ranted about advancing his powers. But Six never talked about his monsters, and the word _ordinary_ was never uttered in Seven’s presence. 

As far as he was concerned, it was the best he could have hoped for. 

* * *

The sound of his siblings’ joy echoed around him as all seven of them crowded in their common area in the basement. Thirteen years old, newly named, and having just gone on one of their first missions, the Umbrella Academy was in a triumphant mood. The mission had gone beautifully, according to the rest of them. Allison’s rumors and Diego’s knives were not nearly as destructive as what Ben could do. 

The press had taken to calling his monsters the Horror. They were calling _him_ the Horror. And they had every reason to. His responsibilities on missions, as he had quickly learned, were not as flashy as Allison’s or as heroic as Luther’s or as cool as Diego’s. He wasn’t as strategic as Five or even as charming as Klaus. 

As his name suggested, he was horrible. 

His siblings must have had a general idea of what he had done. He’d come out covered in blood, sticky and still warm. He’d washed it off as best as he could in the shower when they’d arrived home, but Ben couldn’t shake the feeling that it was still there, drying under his fingernails and clumping in his hair. 

Vanya joined him on the couch, smiling softly. On this rare occasion, even little Number Seven was let in on the fun. That is, the fun of unprecedented free time on a weekday. Nearly two full hours. It was a novelty not to be passed up. 

“Congratulations on the mission,” she offered softly. 

The Horror stirred at the mention of its most recent killing, but Ben only smiled at his sister. “Thanks, Vanya.”

They watched their siblings recount the glory of the mission, animated faces and lively movements. Ben just felt drained, both physically and mentally. He was glad their father had given them the night off; he didn’t know if he could handle another training session now.

Five joined the two of them on the couch, clearly invigorated by the Academy’s most recent victory. “Dad has to let me time travel now,” he said, glancing at Ben and Vanya. “I’ve clearly shown him I’m capable.”

“We all know you’re capable, Five,” Vanya assured him. “I think he’s just concerned about your safety.”

Five waved a dismissive hand. “He’s not concerned about any of us. He just doesn’t want his precious Umbrella Academy to find a way out.”

“What do you mean?” Ben asked, frowning. “Find a way out?”

“You don’t expect to stay here forever, do you?” Five asked, sitting up. “Training with Dad and doing everything he tells you? We don’t have to deal with that anymore when we turn eighteen. Don’t tell me you never thought about getting out of here.”

Beside him, Vanya shrugged. “It doesn’t matter very much if I leave. I’m not a part of the team.”

“You’re our sister,” said Ben. She smiled softly, eyes focused on the seam in the couch that she trailed her fingers over distractedly. “You’re part of the family. You could go to music school, become a violinist.”

She nodded slowly, considerate. “What about you, Ben? What do you want to do when you grow up?”

“I haven’t really thought about it,” he lied. Of course he’d thought about it. But his way out of the Academy was going to be different than everyone else’s. He could feel it. The Horror got stronger the older he got, and Ben felt that it was only a matter of time when he’d let the monsters burst from his chest and not be able to reign them back in again. 

They were going to rip him apart one day. He was certain of it. 

Five spoke up. “I’m going to—”

“Time travel,” Ben and Vanya finished in unison, to which Five rolled his eyes. Vanya grinned a little. “We know, Five.”

“Is Five talking about math again?” Klaus asked, flopping on the couch unceremoniously. “Boring. It’s free time!”

“Get _off,_ Klaus,” Five huffed, trying to shove Klaus out of the way. “There’s not enough room.”

From across the couch, Klaus made eye contact with him. If anyone were to guess his feelings after the mission, it would probably be Klaus, who knew the feeling of resenting your powers well. “There’s enough room,” he countered. “You just need to scoot over.”

They did, and Klaus squeezed in. It was a tight fit, but worked until Allison wanted on, then Luther and Diego. Somehow, they made it work, all seven of them cramped on one couch. Ben felt like he hardly had enough room to breathe, but in a way, it was comforting. At least now the Horror had no room to accidentally slip a tentacle through his abdomen. 

That was how Mom found them as she tried to get them ready for bed, some time later. Packed on the couch, in such close proximity that they could hear each other breathing, acting like a real family. 

* * *

Ben knew he was going to die. 

He’d known it since he was a child, watching his father’s instructional videos on how to administer emergency first-aid. He knew it as he ripped apart living animals for training, the blood soaking into his hair and clothes. 

And he knew it now, on this mission.

It had started off just fine. The Umbrella Academy was even lucky enough to get called on at a reasonable hour instead of the middle of the night like their last few missions had been. Everyone was awake and alert and even excited. Well, Ben couldn’t say that he was excited; he never really was. Not for missions. Not for killing people. 

There was no reason that the mission shouldn’t have gone smoothly. Although they had been hindered by the loss of Five three years prior, they’d had plenty of time to get used to fighting without him. 

Ben could still remember how it felt in the early days of Five’s departure. The grief, threatening to consume him whole. He could remember when Five-Six-Seven turned into just Six-Seven. It was like they had lost a limb. 

Even so, the mission was supposed to be simple. Get in, get out, keep everyone alive. Not a big deal. 

Only there had been more people than expected, and the five remaining members of the Umbrella Academy couldn’t take them all out alone. Diego hurled his knives and Allison shouted rumors left and right, but he could tell that his siblings were slowly losing energy. 

Ben, though, had energy to spare. The Horror twisted and rippled under his skin, begging to be let out. If he let the Horror out, they would have no problem taking out the criminals. It would be simple, even. 

“Hey,” he said to a sweaty Diego, making up his mind. “Take the others and get out of here. I got this.”

Diego frowned. “You sure?”

“Positive.”

Number Two nodded, clapped him on the back, and herded the others out of the room. Luther was shaking his head, probably saying something about how he should stay, but Ben couldn’t allow it. He couldn’t allow any of his siblings to be in the room when he let the Horror out. “Go!” he shouted to Luther, who finally relented, walking away until he was out of sight. 

The Horror pounded at his stomach, fighting to be let out, and finally, Ben let it go. The criminals barely had time to scream before they were ripped to shreds, leaving the floor decorated with blood and mutilated body parts. The floor seemed to sway under his feet and bile rose in his throat. Ben felt sick. 

He had to put the monster away now. But the Horror wouldn’t retreat. It tore at the walls, the furniture, the ceiling, leaving a path of destruction in its wake. Ben screamed at the searing pain in his abdomen, like his body was being cleaved in half. 

The floor rushed up to meet him, warm and sticky with blood. With a jolt, he realized that it might have been his own blood that lined the floor. 

Several pairs of footsteps pounded in his ears, accompanied by desperate shouts of his name. “Ben!” Klaus was the first to reach him, kneeling down and looking at him with terrified eyes. 

“It’s okay,” Ben said, though it sounded garbled to his ears. 

“N-no, we can f-f-fix this,” Diego stammered, trying to apply pressure to the cavity in his stomach that the Horror left behind. Ben’s blood only pooled around his fingers. 

Their faces blurred above him, but Ben could still make out each one. Tears streamed down Allison’s face. “I heard a rumor the bleeding stopped,” she said, but to no avail. “I heard a rumor you’re okay.”

Not even Allison’s rumors could stop him from bleeding out on the cool tiled floor. Luther looked guilt-ridden. “I’m sorry,” he muttered, reaching for Ben’s hand. “I shouldn’t have left you alone.”

“Not your fault,” Ben replied, glancing at each of them. His voice was weak and breathy, barely audible. “I’ll be okay.”

This was always supposed to happen, anyway. His siblings could only sit by him and watch him fade away, and Ben couldn’t help but feel bad for their pain. Still, despite it all, they kept talking to him. Telling him stories, reminding him of good moments from their childhood. All those trips to Griddy’s. Five and Vanya tutoring him in math. Every laugh, every joke, every good memory echoed in his ears. 

Ben was relieved to find that his stomach didn’t hurt anymore. In fact, he couldn’t feel anything at all. “I love you all,” he croaked, and his siblings nodded silently, giving him watery smiles, holding onto his hand for dear life. 

“It’s okay,” Klaus assured him breathlessly. “You’re okay.”

Those were the last words that Ben registered before the world faded before his eyes, his siblings faces still etched into his brain. For the first time, the pain stopped, leaving behind the remnants of his life as his grip on his siblings’ hands went limp.

**Author's Note:**

> Ouch this one was sad. I haven't updated this series in a while and I've been wanting to write about Ben for a long time, so here you go. I hope you enjoyed this one! <3


End file.
